Thursday, December 20, 2012

I'm not hungry, or thirsty, or any of that stuff. What I'd REALLY like is a hug.

Yesterday was plain awful. 
You can say that again. 
Yesterday was plain awful. 
But that's not now, that's then.

Sitting here this morning trying to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again in a new day. I am not ready to put yesterday into words because I am still not sure how. But feel the need to get the events down so I can remember, reflect and do better.

The day started with a crazy snow storm so I left ultra early to miss the nut jobs who live in Colorado but have no clue how to drive on a snowy day. I was excited because I had gifts to give a couple friends and other ones for the school giving tree. I love being able to put a smile on other people's faces. It makes me feel great. The morning moved along to include my AP not being able to make a meeting about SGOs with me. He is an amazing AP and must feel like Stretch Armstrong or Gumby all day. I just wish there were more of him to help support the specials teachers. (that's a whole other conversation... why are specials (art, music, tech, PE etc.) left to feel like they don't matter and are just a babysitting squad?) Move ahead to when my principal popped in for an observation with first grade. That was so NOT awesome.  The first grade group has about 35 students. Yesterday the para professional that usually comes into to help had been pulled to help give some kind of assessment to other students. It is two days before holiday break. Students did not get outside recess due to the snowstorm. Here's how the lesson went. 35 students sitting on the rug to listen. I had students standing up asking to use the bathroom, another who somehow cut her finger and needed assistance, others who were rolling around the floor or crawling. Once we were somewhat settled enough to perhaps here the directions, the site I was planning to have them work on wasn't working correctly. Good thing I'm a master at back up plans and was able to scramble to plan B. Students went to computers and started working. I scrambled around to make sure students were on track with what I'd asked. Half were trying to use the first site I showed that didn't work. Awesome. So I let them try then redirected to the back up plan. I had two students fighting over a chair and neither would budge. So I left them saying one needed to move and I'd be back. Thankfully one did. I tried to get to most all students to see that they were doing what was expected. Most were thank goodness.  The lesson ended with getting them somewhat in two lines ready to leave so the next group already waiting in the hall could come in. I am nervous to debrief with my principal about the lesson. It is difficult to have the only time  she's been in my room be one like this. I had a conversation with a friend about evaluations and he tried to get me to look at them as being good experiences. He said they should help me grow as a teacher. I get that but I am so stinking sensitive and want to feel someone sees me teach a successful lesson. I'm not sure that one was and don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing. 

Move forward to the end of the day 7th/8th small math intervention group. Getting five students down to my room should be doable. Most days I can get two of them down easily. Yesterday was no different. They were excited for the dance after school. I got that and tried to make the deal that we'd work for a bit and then they could chat. That didn't work as they talked over me, one continued to text right in front of me. But hey... ONE was actually working. So I decided to relent and worked with the one who actually cared and needed the help. The others chatted. For some reason they needed to know my name ... wait.... THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME. That felt great considering they've been in my room many time since August. Then they wanted to know if I lived with a boyfriend. I said I live with my dog. They then proceeded to say my dog was ugly and that it was sad that I live alone. That felt so NOT AWESOME! Two things ran through my head. One- I obviously lack in the relationship building department with these kids. (that's a whole other convo as well... I don't feel relationship building is a priority at this school). Two- these middle school kids are tough!

The day ended with my volunteering to sell tickets at the 7th/8th grade dance. This was. Thankfully I was only there for an hour and for the most part it was a typical middle school dance. We had the few who were not allowed to come in due to behavior. Had someone smoking pot just outside the entrance doors. Had some upset girls because their friend who was not a student at the school couldn't come in. 

I didn't start positive on this post so I need to end positive. Today is the last day with students before holiday break, Jeeter just made my day by sleeping on my lap while I typed this post, I get to wear jeans to school today, and my lil first grade friend came up to me in the cafeteria yesterday and gave me a hug. Sometimes that's all it takes to make life a little brighter is a hug.

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