Sitting here during my lunch time on a Wednesday. Let me expand on that- sitting in my classroom eating lunch alone, like most days. There is a teacher's lounge upstairs but rarely is someone in there during this time. My feelings of isolation and feeling alone in such a big school continue to churn in my stomach. It is not a good feeling to walk in each day, chat with the one other person in the basement a bit and then spend the rest of my day pretty much by myself. I am not used to sitting an eating lunch alone- it doesn't feel good or make me feel a part of the staff here. I'm told that specials teachers are usually the ones that are left to be thought of last, a side thought. I am supposed to have a peer observer from the district stop in next week and watch me teach a class. I chatted with him yesterday about what he is expecting or some look fors but didn't really get a clear idea. I plan to just do what I do when I teach and see what feedback I get. That doesn't feel good either. Guess I'm in a place of not really feeling good. I still know I made the right decision to leave my comfort zone but I didn't expect I'd be put on a dessert island left to fend for myself. I may be whining a bit but I miss the connections with teachers that a classroom teacher experiences.
Not only do I miss the connections with teachers but the connections with students. Seems like the 592 students step in and out of my room so quickly, I hardly know a thing about them. I don't feel like I'm connecting with anything here. I feel like a true misfit.
Shake it off and step up?